Potato with googly eyes. Candle left too close to a window. Lost Trump relative.

All things that can,[Ep4] Secret Campus and have, been said about this new bust of footballer Cristiano Ronaldo, unveiled at the airport bearing his name in the Madeira Islands, his homeland.

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Here's a closeup, cause you know you want one.

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There's a lot to unpack here, but most of it takes a backseat to the initial visceral reaction to how horrifically inaccurate it is.

Cristiano Ronaldo is routinely cited as one of the most attractive men alive. Does this bust look like one of the most attractive men alive, or even plain attractive? In a lineup of David Beckham, Brad Pitt, the real Cristiano Ronald and this bust, who do you think is going to come in last?

Exactly.

For more reference to exactly how wildly off base it is, here's some excellent visualizations:

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That famed hunk on the pitch.

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International heartthrob.

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Signed model.

This is just the latest in downright insulting bronze statues, and we suspect it won't be the last, but please for the love of Ronaldo fix this horrible wrong. Or, if they wanted to do him a true favor, extend that bust down to include the abs at the very least.